I have been writing since I was nine. While other kids were drawing and doing arts and crafts, I wrote poetry. I didn’t even know it was poetry but that is what the teacher called it. For me it was just a way to get my feelings out on paper.
My writing more or less stopped with the stresses of trying to get through middle school, high school and the struggle to get a scholarship for university. I was all consumed with the idea of going to university so I could find a good job to get us (my family and I) out of public housing.
So for many years I just wrote for myself, when I really needed to get something out or, in greeting cards for family and friends on special occasions like birthdays and Christmas.
I worked two careers in my life. In the first I was a clinical ethicist in small community hospitals and the second, for over 25 years, as an educator/administrator for a variety of allopathic and complimentary healthcare professions. My work took all of my energy, all my time and a toll on my health. But I felt I needed to do it in order to keep my commitments, to make a living and help support my family.
When my beloved mother Olivia passed away from a stroke in 2018, I felt broken beyond repair and suddenly all the feelings I had pent up inside started pouring out in poetry. Like a spring of endless water, I could not control. I thought about what my mother had said. She told me that she had nothing to leave me, except her heart. I realized that a good heart is the best gift of all and what a disservice I was doing to myself and to her because I wasn’t expressing my heart.
In that moment I decided I needed to retire to do what I now believe I was meant to do all along, write my poetry and express my heart. So finally in 2020, in the grips of the COVID pandemic “Creative Creations” was born.
My grief is still very much alive, as is my fear. I am afraid of being vulnerable, afraid of expressing my heart. Always afraid that what I have to share, will not be good enough. But I have let fear control me all of my life and I have decided I’m too old to let fear continue to take me prisoner. So, here I am pouring out my heart.
Thank you for letting me share my heart with you. Our greatest gift is our heart and the most precious thing we can offer another is the voice of that heart. The price may be dear but vulnerability also comes with a reward. The reward of finally getting to be your true authentic self.
Don’t let fear stop you from expressing your feelings and sharing your beautiful heart.
~Cidalia
Comments