Bittersweet

Although I have lived most of my life in Canada I was born in a very small and impoverished town on the island of Sao Miguel in the Azores; the largest of the Portuguese islands located the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

In search of a better life, my father, mother and younger brother, immigrated to Toronto, Canada in the summer of 1960, just a few months shy of my 5th birthday. Although I have very few actual memories of those early years in the Azores I often marvel at how deep my connection is, and always has been, to my Portuguese roots and heritage. It has forever shaped my heart; who I am and how I feel, and is often the catalyst for the expression of my emotions.

There is word in Portuguese . . . saudade . . . which is used to describe a feeling of longing or melancholy; a yearning for a happiness that has passed, or perhaps never existed. I often find myself in this emotional turmoil between joy and despair and I wrote the poem Bittersweet to try to express this very Portuguese feeling.

Bittersweet

Saudade, Saudade

The longing, the yearning

To come to the table

To taste the banquet

Woody Nightshade hanging

From the fence of paradox

Cluster of orange, orange pods

Wrapped around my heart

Brilliant light, trembling darkness

Beautiful and broken

We emerge as we are

From our soft leathery shells

In the mixing bowl

Hot and cold

Gentle and wild

Everything, everybody has another side

That great day

The one you have been waiting for all of your life

The next day the one you were dreading

It too has now arrived

Realizing your dreams, your goals

Everything you ever wanted

Now in your hands

And its just not enough

Joy wins today

Despair claims tomorrow

A season to bloom

A season to say goodbye

The memories that hold you

Comfy, cozy blankets of comfort

Too soon replaced by the torches of sorrow

That will rake your heart

The love you found

Delight of your heart

The love you lose

Grief won’t let go

You fly like a kite

Happiness your new wings

Until that fear arrives

Crashing you to the floor

There is more

So much more

But time is running out

To fill the bucket of life

We are born

We die

Joy and sorrow

Are the bittersweet colors of life